


The Authorship of Severus Snape

by Joji_Sada



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humor, M/M, Out of Character, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-27
Updated: 2007-09-27
Packaged: 2018-10-01 13:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10190894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joji_Sada/pseuds/Joji_Sada
Summary: Severus decides he wants be an author.  Unfortunately, he picks the wrong place to publish and doesn't recognize the unwritten rules of posting.MAJOR OOCness





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

**Disclaimer:** I don’t own this even though I wish I did. I have spent enough time in the crazy ward to know never to claim this as my own.

**A/N:** This is told mostly by conversation. There isn’t much description but it is simply meant to be funny. It is nice to be back to slash and my plot bunnies have been bugging me to complete this. Enjoy and please review. I get lonely otherwise.

**P.S.** There are some misspellings and such but they are meant to be there. This is just a comedy piece I wrote.

*Many have said they can't see it happening but that's the point. We assume they are alive and we are judging their reactions off books we have read. It is meant to be out there.*

**** **** **** ****

Harry came home to silence. The main room was still and there was no sign of life anywhere. He shrugged off his coat and called out for his husband.

“Severus?” When no answer came, he pulled out his wand and moved stealthy around. There was no one in the kitchen or the bathroom, and even the lab was empty. Harry was starting to worry. “Severus?” He tried again.

Finally, he moved towards the office and was relieved to find his wayward husband there. Well, he was relieved until he realized that Severus was crying.

“Severus?” He murmured when it was obvious he had not been heard.

The Potions Master’s head shot up before he quickly turned from his husband. It was obvious that he was trying to wipe away his tears.

Harry moved up behind him and laid his head on his husband’s shoulder. “What’s wrong love?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? And here I was afraid something terrible had happened and you were preparing your last will and testament.” 

“Sarcasm does not suit you love.”

“And lying has never been your strong point either.” 

Sev growled. “I was a double spy for over two decades and you tell me I cannot lie.” 

“Not when you are crying. Now what has you in such a state?”

“Nothing.”

“Are we really gonna go through this again?”

“I suppose not.” He sighed. He was sure to be humiliated when this was all finished.

Harry waited silently for his love to continue. He knew it would do no good to try and force the issue. If he did, he was sure to be on the receiving end of a very nasty hex.

“Well, you see, I kinda….it’s…” He stammered.

Harry was starting to worry. What on Earth could rid his husband of his extensive vocabulary? “Sev?”

“They laughed at me. There, happy now?” Severus’ shoulders were shaking again.

“They? Who are they?” He turned the chair around and lifted his husband so that he was standing before wrapping him in a hug. “Who laughed at you?”

“Your adoring fans.” He sniped. “The ones who keep telling me that I am worthless and horrible and not good at facts.” He sighed. “It’s not fair.”

Harry wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to do. Severus had never cared what others thought of him and now someone had reduced him to tears.

“Alright. What did they laugh at you for?” 

“Well, you know how I love to write, right?” 

“Yes.” He knew only too well. Severus was forever writing in his journal; potions recipes, poetry, stories, and Merlin knew what else. Harry had never actually read any of it though so he couldn’t be sure.

“And you know that infernal contraption you call a computer you brought home, _right_?”

“Yes, and please tell me you didn’t kill it.” _Please_ …He prayed silently.

“Um…well…I posted a story on it. There was this thing you call **Hpfandom** and I decided to let people read a story.”

“Please tell me that **HP** does not stand for my initials.” Harry groaned. Just what he needed, a site dedicated to him.

“No, it stands for Hokey Pokey.” Sev snorted.

“Ha Ha. You’re trying to sidetrack me and it isn’t working.”

“No, I was answering a question.”

“Sev…”

“Fine. Yes, I wrote a story about you and people didn’t like it.”

“And this upset you?” Oops, wrong thing to say.

“No, it is perfectly fine. Now, if you would leave me be.” Severus pulled form Harry’s embrace and sat back down, turning from his husband and facing the computer.

“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that you don’t let anyone read what you write and now the world can see it. How did you find this place anyway?”

“You had **thesilversnitch** in your favorites and after some exploring, I found this place.” 

Harry blushed. “Alright, so what do some of the reviews say?”

Severus sighed as he pulled them up.

_Very OOC. Hard to believe and you need a grammar check. **–Anon**_

_You need to get a beta. And you need to learn not to try and impersonate the British. You did a very bad job. **–Anon**_

_Is English your second language? You suck. **–Anon**_

Harry cringed. He had written the first review, not that he planned to tell Severus that. Maybe he could just ignore that fact. “Love, these are called flames.”

“Why?”

“Because they hold very little constructive critism. However, they all agree you need a beta.”

“Well, I can’t help that I am dyslexic. It is not like I go out of my way to make this horrible.”

“I know love. That is why you need someone to review it. They can help catch things you missed. And do you know what OOC means?”

“Obsessive-Compulsive?”

“No, it means that the people in your story are Out-of-Character. It means that they are doing something that you wouldn’t expect them to do.”

“None of them know us, how are they supposed to know what we are like?”

“You remember those books Charlie gave me as a joke? The J.K. Rowling series, about my supposed adventures and life, is what they are basing it on. You have to go by that or they will never believe it.”

Severus sighed. There was so much work in this and to appease people who didn’t even know them.

“Will you let me read and review it?”

“I guess. But if you laugh at me Potter I swear you will be sleeping on the couch for the next month.”

Harry nodded. Best to pretend he had never seen it before.

_Harry found Draco siting in the drawing room, quietly staring into nothing. Without hesittation he jumped the poro blonde Slytherin and proceeded to get hot and heavvy with him. The dark haired boy thrust his tounge down the Malfoy’s thrat and proceeded to swallow him._

Harry smiled. “Alright, first off, no one can see me doing that and neither can they see Draco sitting there and taking it.”

“You did that right after graduation when you and Draco were still together. I remember seeing you covered in hickeys for a long while after that incident!” Sev huffed.

“Yes, but no one can see me doing it so you have to make it more tactful or expect reviews like this. Now, I can fix your grammar. Also, did you put warnings?”

“Yes….” 

“That would be a no. The reason people flamed you is because you didn’t warn them it was OOC. Not that people read it anyway but if you warn them, then you have an argument against these reviews.”

“But….”

“Yes, yes, I did this and it is not OOC but we went over this.”

“Hmph.” 

“Do you feel better now?”

“No.”

“Alright, I guess you don’t want me to show you exactly how that scene played out.” Harry mentioned as he left the room.

Sev’s eyes darkened in lust at the prospect. He stood, exited out of the site, and chased his husband of ten years to the bedroom.

Where he promptly forgot all of the hateful reviews he had received from people halfway around the world who could only imagine what he and his husband really did in the bedroom.


End file.
